Balancing Food, Fitness, and Fun

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Thinking Out Loud #5

Hey Guys!  Short post today, but I figured I would pop in for the Thinking Out Loud festivities.  Thanks again to Amanda over at Running with Spoons for hosting!


1.  Loving the new job so far.  Everyone I work with is awesome (they even bring in fresh veggies from their garden!), and I’m learning a ton 🙂

2. Another awesome fact about my job: it’s only 3.5 miles away, so I’ve been running home a few days a week.  After sitting at my desk all day, it feels sooo good to stretch my legs.

3.  I’ve been in sort of a negative mood these past few weeks, despite loving my new job.  I’m not sure what’s up, but I’ve just felt really down.  I’m fairly certain that some of it has to do with my changing body, and the clothes that no longer fit.  However, for some reason, this morning I woke up with a totally different attitude.  Maybe it’s because the boy toy and I had an awesome sushi date last night?  I don’t know… What I do know is that this morning I feel extremely grateful.  I’m grateful for the people that have loved and supported me throughout my crazy life, especially during the past few months while I’ve begun to make the transition into actual adulthood *gulp*.  I definitely need to work on maintaining this kind of attitude…
Anyway, that’s all for today- I’m off to work.  Hope you all have a great Thursday!
Have you ever run/walked to/from work?
What are you grateful for these days?

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So It’s Been a While….

Whoa – it’s been over 2 weeks since I posted anything.  Oops.  Anywayyyyy….  I’ll warn you now, this post is sort of a rant.  Sorry about that, and please feel free to mosey on over to a more cheerful blog.  I promise I won’t be offended.

Have you ever felt like things were just starting to fall in to place, only to have the metaphorical rug pulled out from under you?  That’s kind of what these past two weeks have been like, and if I’m being completely honest, I’m probably not handling it as well as I could/should.  

I started my new job two weeks ago, and I actually really like the work.  But it’s a lot of work, and a lot of pressure on me to perform up to the level that is expected.  I joined the company in the middle of some huge projects, and it’s a race to get me trained because they need the extra help so badly.  And it’s terrifying; I loved school, and I was fairly good at being a student.  What if that’s all I’m good at?

On top of that, we had another big change that really impacted our financial situation in a negative way.  It was completely unexpected, and had us both reeling for several days afterward. Now  I’m feeling a little bit more pressure not to fuck up my new job. While my new job is great, I’m concerned that I’m not making enough to make ends meet, which has me feeling fairly inadequate.

Then there’s the stuff back home that has me concerned.  There’s a lot going on with my family right now, and not being there stresses me out.  

Times like these, when I feel frustrated and powerless, are the times when I struggle the most with recovery.  When I don’t know what to do, ED swoops in and gives me that false sense of control, but at the end of the day, it’s just that: a false sense of control.  Even knowing that it’s still a daily battle between ED and my brain, and I’d be lying if I said my brain was winning every day, or even most days.  I can feel myself reverting back to some of my disordered habits, and my attitude towards myself is becoming more and more negative.  It sucks – right now I just don’t know how to balance everything, but I’m working on it.  

So that’s my little rant for the day.  I’m sorry to be such a Negative Nancy  😛

To end on a positive note: how cool is my dad?  

From my parents' week at the lake.  I'm a little jealous!

From my parents’ week at the lake. I’m a little jealous!

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

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Big Changes!

Happy Monday! I hope you all had awesome weekends 🙂
Matt and I were bums this weekend – we watched movies and ate snacks and it was GLORIOUS! I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last weekend of unemployment vacation.  We finally watched 21 Jump Street, which was even better than I thought it would be; now I just have to get to the theatre to see the sequel! We also watched What to Expect When You’re Expecting.  At the beginning, I was all like, ew I’m never having kids! But by the end I was bawling my freaking eyes out.  It was ridiculous, and Matt just sat there staring at me like, “what the hell is going on here?”  Oh well.  Shit happens.

So big changes in my neck of the woods.  As I mentioned last week, I found a “grown up” job here in NY, and today was my first day.  I was so nervous/excited, but everyone was wicked friendly, and I can’t believe how much I learned in just one day!  It’s definitely going to be hard work, but I think there is a lot of room for me to grow within this company.


Today was also the first day of my half marathon training plan.  I’m using the plan I found at Cool Running.  I’m definitely going to use it as more of a guideline than anything though; realistically, I can’t see myself sticking to the exact schedule.  But I think it will be a helpful gauge as I build my mileage up.  I haven’t officially registered for a race yet (waiting to get that first paycheck!), but I’m leaning towards the Newport Half on October 12th (Thanks to Sarah for the suggestion :))

Sorry I don’t have a more thoughtful post today, but I’m totally exhausted from my first day of work.  Hopefully I’ll be able to post more this week, but bear with me if my posting is sporadic during the next couple days; this whole working full time thing is going to be a big adjustment!

What was your first “grown up” job?

Have you ever run a half marathon?  How did you train?


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Thinking Out Loud #4

What up, peeps?  It’s Thursday, so that means it’s time for me to share some of the randomness that’s floating around in my brain!  Thanks to Amanda over at Running with Spoons for hosting the link-up 🙂


  • First off, I’m so excited to start working on Monday!  I won’t go into details, but it’s a job that perfectly combines my two fields of study (geology and sustainability).  Plus, it’s right in downtown Troy, which means that I’ll be able to meet up with RPI friends for lunch and/or drinks after works 🙂  I’ve felt so isolated these past few weeks, and I can’t wait to be around people again.
  • We’ve been having some nasty storms around here.  I absolutely love thunderstorms, so I’ve definitely been enjoying the past few days.  As long as I don’t have to drive in it, I love to sit and watch the lightning.  This afternoon, we had not one, but  two huge storms.

    a dark and ominous afternoon

    a dark and ominous afternoon

  • Can we all agree that cool socks make running way more fun?  These are my new favorites (which I wear with a batman headband, and if I’m really feeling adventurous I’ll add a batman t-shirt too).  Can you guess who my favorite super hero is?

    when i grow up, i want to be batman

    when i grow up, i want to be batman

  • Guys, I am so excited about the book I’m currently reading.  It’s part of the seemingly-never-ending Wheel of Time series, which was started by Robert Jordan, who wrote the first 11 books.  When he passed away in 2007, Brandon Sanderson took over, and I think he’s done a fantastic job so far!  I finished book #12 before I left for college in 2010, and I’m surprised at how easily I’ve been able to jump back into the story.  I’m excited to actually have time to read books for fun again! 🙂
Seriously, so good!

Seriously, so good!

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today.  Hope you all have a fantastic day! 🙂

Do you like thunderstorms?

Who’s your favorite superhero?

Have you read any good books lately?



Bouncing Back From a Rough Shopping Trip

Sorry about the lack of blogging that’s been going on these past few days – I was off watching fireworks and enjoying time with Matt’s family.

Fact: fireworks are awesome.  However, they are somewhat less awesome when you are surrounded by a huge crowd of people (including a particularly angry/rude gentleman in a smart car), and they don’t start on time.  This was the case Friday night, and Matt and I ended up bailing 15 minutes after they started.  He was a little bummed, but we made up for it by meeting his best friends for drinks instead.  We had SUCH A GOOD TIME! Plus, we got to see fireworks Saturday night (which were way better than Friday night’s, if you ask me).

Oh, and another fun fact about this weekend: I somehow burst a capillary in my eye 😦 I’m not exactly sure how, seeing as I hadn’t really done anything too strenuous in the days leading up to the weekend…oh well.  It doesn’t hurt or anything, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t panic just a bit when I went to do my makeup and noticed a big red spot on my eyeball!

Also, I GOT A JOB!!! This is my last week as an unemployed college grad 🙂

What I really want to talk about today, though, is the challenge of shopping while going through recovery from an ED.  .With the new job, I knew I needed to do some shopping over the long weekend; my wardrobe is seriously lacking in office-appropriate clothes that actually fit.  Easier said than done.  I know I’ve gained weight, and I’m sort of ok with it at this point (some days more so than others), but having to buy new clothes makes it feel so much more real.  Buying new clothes is proving to be a lot harder than I ever could have anticipated.

So true!

Yup, this is how I felt. (source)

We went to the mall on Saturday, and I managed to find a blouse and cardigan that I liked.  However, we went out again on Monday and it was a bit of a disaster (the fact that I was exhausted from the weekend definitely didn’t help either).  There were some great sales, so I ended up in a store that I wouldn’t normally be able to afford.  There were only a handful of fitting rooms, and I ended up waiting for 15-20 minutes to even get in to one.  I should have just taken that as a sign and left the store.  When I finally did get a dressing room, nothing fit, and I quickly became discouraged.  I left empty-handed and ended up bursting into tears 5 minutes into the ride home.  Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for.

This is just another hurdle I need to get over, but I’m hesitant to go out shopping again any time soon.  Unfortunately, I really do need work clothes, so I’m a little bit stuck.

For now, I’m going to stick to shopping for shoes -no matter what size I am, I will always love cute shoes!

Whenever I get tired of shopping. I just sit down and try on more shoes # Shoe quotes

So true. (source)

Have you ever struggled with shopping after gaining/losing weight?

Have you ever had a really disappointing shopping trip?

Did you have a good 4th of July weekend?



Thinking Out Loud #3

Happy Thursday!  Although it’s basically a Friday here in the U.S., with tomorrow being the 4th.  Matt and I are headed to Orange County, NY for the long weekend, to see his family.  I can’t wait!

Since it’s Thursday, it must be time for some Thinking Out Loud!  Thanks again to Amanda over at Running With Spoons for hosting!



  • I just finished my seven day running streak with the Mizuno Baton app!  Have you guys heard about this?  You download the app, and over the course of seven days, for every mile you run Mizuno will donate $1 to Back of My Feet, an organization that uses running to empower those experiencing homelessness.  I surpassed my goal of 25 dollars/miles – not bad considering I was battling a sore throat most of the week!  It’s really an awesome app, and I highly encourage you all to check it out!  You can download it from the iTunes App store, or from Google Play.   #Whatifeverybodyran

yay dorky running selfie

  • On the topic of running – running with the Mizuno app meant running with my phone, which I don’t typically do.  I’ve always considered running my “me time”, and for me that meant being completely disconnected from technology.  However, I have to admit that it was kind of nice being able to track my miles and know the time while I was running.   I’m toying with the idea of buying one of those arm bands that hold your phone, or maybe a watch (I had one for a while, but it was old and didn’t work so well), because my current technique of wearing two sports bras, and sandwiching my phone between the who, is definitely not working…
  • This humidity is killing me!  I have the joints of an old woman, which tend to swell up whenever there’s moisture in the air 😦
  • I started the 30 Day Yoga Challenge, in an effort to improve my flexibility.  I’ve never been very flexible – even while I was swimming, on a good day I could barely touch my toes.  So far, I really like this challenge.  The videos are fairly short, and I’ve already been noticing a difference in how tight I feel at the end of the day.
the top 10 Ryan Gosling "hey girl" memes--hahahaha

More motivation for doing yoga 😉 (source)


That’s all for today!  Hope you all have a wonderful and safe 4th of July!

Any Plans for the Fourth of July?

Do you run with a phone or a watch?

Do you do yoga?  Any tips for beginners?

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ED and Me, Part II

Hey guys!  Yesterday, I posted the first part of my ED story, and today, I’m picking up where I left off.

Part II

Most of my junior year of college passed in a blur.  I started seeing a therapist in the fall, but I don’t think I was really ready to accept that what I was doing was unhealthy, and I certainly wasn’t ready to change my habits.  This was my first year living off campus, which meant that I had complete control over all of my meals (no more dining halls).  I was also taking a heavier coarse load than I was used to, and one of my geology classes required weekly hikes.  By the end of every week, I was utterly exhausted.  As a result, I stopped going out and my social life pretty much fell apart.  I was starting to feel overwhelmed, and that winter I started cutting myself as a way of dealing with stress.  Things got worse around winter break, when I developed a stress fracture in my foot.  I had to cut back on my workouts, so I cut back on the amount I was eating.   Gum and diet coke became the focus of my diet.

I think I sort of hit rock bottom towards the end of the school year.  During spring semester, I was working at an internship while still maintaining a full course load, and heavily restricting my calorie intake.  I would literally cry when I got home every night because I just felt so overwhelmed.  My friendships were suffering.  My relationships with my family were suffering.  Matt stood by me through it all (by some miracle), but it couldn’t have been easy for him.   I would snap at him for the littlest things, and I was absolutely miserable to be around.  He would cook me dinner, and I would have a total breakdown because eating it would put me over my calorie limit for the day.

By the end of the semester, I was the lightest I could ever remember being (if I had to guess, I’d say I weighed close to what I weighed in the third grade), and I was seriously depressed.  I felt like my life was out of control, and at this point, my issues were starting to wear on Matt, who at the time was dealing with the stress of adjusting to his first job.   I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted – all I knew was that I wanted to be thinner.  It was the lowest I’ve ever felt; I so badly wanted to just give up.

That summer, I stayed in New York, instead of going home to NH like I had every other summer.   I started working in a coffee shop, which was great in that it meant unlimited free coffee, but at the same time awful because I was constantly surrounded by food.  The first few weeks were hell.  But somehow it got better.  By the end of the summer, I think something in me had changed.  As school started up again, I knew that I physically couldn’t do another semester like the previous one.  I started looking to online support groups, and even healthy living blogs, for help.  I never posted anything on my own, but I started reading and realizing that other people had managed to overcome their EDs and establish fairly healthy relationships with food. I tried therapy again (per Matt’s request) – this time with a school counselor, and with slightly more success.  I started eating a little bit more, and I noticed that my energy skyrocketed (and so did my GPA).  I’ve made little baby steps throughout the past year, but I’m definitely still a work in progress.  I still sometimes over-exercise when I think I’ve had too much, I still experience a large amount of food guilt, and I’m still incredibly hard on myself sometimes, in terms of body image, but I’m miles ahead of where I was this time last year, and my desire to be thin now has to battle with my desire to be healthy.  The two are no longer one and the same for me.

So that’s pretty much where I’m at right now.  I know this was really long and probably incredible boring to read, but once I started writing, I found it hard to stop.  I just kind of went with it, ya know?  I’ve never actually written all of this out before, and it’s interesting to have to think it all through, and actually see where I am today, as compared to where I was in the past.  I feel like I’ve started to get my life back; I have friends again, and I’m a lot more fun to be around (at least I hope I am) now that my life doesn’t revolve around calories.  I also feel like I’ve still got a lot to learn about myself, though.  It’s like, I went so long focusing on my calorie intake that I forgot to actually pay attention to who I am as a person…does that make sense?  Almost like I skipped a couple years of developing my personality, my personal tastes.  But I’m excited to do so now!